It was Saturday. It was sunny and there was no wind. Everything seemed peaceful.
If the situation was so peaceful, how did my story go on? It’s because there was just short period of peace before a huge storm.
I was doing my homework with my computer and my cousin kept me company.
My cousin is a computer engineer who just finished his army service.
It is possible that mandatory army service will be canceled so I don’t have to take army service in the future.
My homework was about art and the theme was personification.
If my computer was personified, it would be an old and half-deaf man walking slowly with a cane.
If your pet became human, would you pet it as usual?
If my computer became human, how could I use it?
The left chest would be Enter.
The hand would be mouse.
And the eyes would reflect images on a wall.
As imagination went on, my desire to turn my computer into a human became stronger.
I didn’t know why.
Using a human-like computer would be a hassle.
You would have to make some embarrassing poses to use it.
At last, I finished my homework and asked my cousin if technology can really turn a computer into a human.
My cousin was like’’ You watch too much science fiction.”
I was a little disappointed, but when I searched for the word, personification with the Google search engine again.
I found a special website with a strange download saying click here for a computer personification program.
“Don’t click it.” My cousin warned me. “Maybe it’s a virus.”
But my hand uncontrollably moved the mouse and clicked the link.
At that moment my computer glowed and slowly turned into a human.
It was a boy with round red eyes like lights of my computer, obviously but with symmetrical muscles with symbols of keyboard buttons, white skin like my computer shell and long white hair like electric wires.
Was he an albino?
My cousin and I were so flabbergasted that we couldn’t even speak.
And he just sat there watching us with pure expression in his eyes.
At last, I broke the silence.
“How old are you?” I asked
“I’m six.”
A six year old body builder！
Well it was not the point, although I was envious of it.
“I have heard of it before. “said my cousin “But I thought it was just a story,”
“In order to enable old people and low-educated people to use a computer our government started a project where the ex-president had to borrow more money from his supporters, and now he is even in a lawsuit for the money he got.
That is not the point.
The point is that the project succeeded.
The computer will be easier to use and what’s more, the proportion of poor people caused by a lack of Internet knowledge will decrease. “
“Why will the lack of internet knowledge cause poverty? “I asked
“For example, some farmers and local craft makers don’t know how to commercialize their products with the Internet, so that they only have a small market, if they know how to do it, their market will spread to the whole world.
What’s more they can learn extra knowledge.
Being a farmer isn’t easy; it’s a kind of bio-technology, but farmers in Taiwan always use wrong ways to grow crops or fruits, like fertilizing crops too much , wrong proportion of pesticides etc”
”Enough！”I shouted
“Are you an expert of agriculture or a computer engineer?
I know the author didn’t give you much chance to talk in the previous part, but you overreacted.
Do you stand in my computer’s shoes?
He should be the main character, but he just said a sentence “I’m six”.”
As soon as I finished yelling at my cousin, the door bell rang.
I opened the door and found out there was a group of people in black suits standing in front of my house.
“I’m a TST (Taiwan Secret technology) agent. “Said the agent.
” Ten billion will be paid to you for helping us finish our computer personification project.”
“You did it on purpose, didn’t you, Lavender.” said my cousin
“I don’t want to get involved with that hassle. That was why I quit my job in the military.”
“Really? But you made a lot of intelligent remarks with your eyes sparkling. “I asked
“I did. BUT, I don’t want to do it by myself. I just want to rest and enjoy the result. “My cousin answered
“We chose this house as an experiment court at random. “
Said Lavender with an evil smile
” Every expert wants this job, but the weirdo, Clarence refused it.”
Congratulations！My cousin’s name is finally known to the readers
“It is not simply a hassle.” Said Clarence with serious expression in his eyes
“The last thing I’m going to say is that this project is still on the experimental process.
Only when you bring up your computer to sixteen year old, can you get the ten billion.
If your mission failed, you’ll have to pay us ten billion.” said Lavender
“You should have read the contract before clicking the link.”Lavender smiled
“Will this kind of contract work?”I thought.
“Do you forget that you even enter your identity card number and credit card ones?”
“Your cousin must have been scammed many times. ”Lavender smiled
“Poor Clarence.”
When they are gone, I made a conclusion “We’ll either be in Heaven or Hell.”
After I made this conclusion, I went back to try to use my computer.
When I went back, I found something terrible that it hadn’t occurred to me
“Little did I know, your intelligent remarks froze him” I complained
“Internet, global market, pesticide proportion…”Eliot was talking nonsense
It is the name, Eliot that I gave to him
“I took you here in case my computer freezes, but you didn’t only freeze him,butalso bring me ten billion in debt. “I complained
“I’m trying my best to fix him. Don’t bother me. “Said Clarence
Only when I faced this situation, did I think about Murphy’s Law.
Every time I use my computer alone, it freezes. This time I took a computer engineer with me, the situation is worse.
But it’s not a big deal. With my love to Eliot and Clarence’s skill at fixing computers, Eliot, Clarence and will live a happy life in subsequent ten years.
“Wait！Can a computer grow up? “I asked
“I told you. It’s not merely a hassle. “Replied Clarence
Maybe
“Did Lavender read my mind?” I asked
“It’s needless to use ESP power to read your mind. “ Clarence sighed
那是一個天氣晴空萬里的禮拜六，一切看起來似乎非常的平和，
If the situation was so peaceful, how did my story go on? It’s because there was just short period of peace before a huge storm.
但如果真的那麼平和，那我的故事怎麼進行下去？因為這只是在暴風雨前短暫的平和而已
I was doing my homework with my computer and my cousin kept me company.
那時我正在用我的電腦做功課，而我的表弟在一旁陪著我
My cousin is a computer engineer who just finished his army service.
我表弟是一個剛當完兵的電腦工程師
It is possible that mandatory army service will be canceled so I don’t have to take army service in the future.
這可能是因為義務役即將被取消，所以我未來並不需要當兵。
My homework was about art and the theme was personification.
我的作業是有關藝術，而主題則是擬人化
If my computer was personified, it would be an old and half-deaf man walking slowly with a cane.
如果我的電腦被擬人化，它有可能會是個杵著一根拐杖緩慢前進的半聾老人，
If your pet became human, would you pet it as usual?
如果你的寵物變成人類，你的寵物還會正常嗎？
If my computer became human, how could I use it?
如果我的電腦變成人類，我又該怎麼使用它？
The left chest would be Enter.
左胸有可能會是ｅｎｔｅｒ鍵
The hand would be mouse.
手則可能是滑鼠
And the eyes would reflect images on a wall.
然後眼睛能把影像反射在牆上，
As imagination went on, my desire to turn my computer into a human became stronger. I didn’t know why.
當我不斷的幻想時，我想把我的電腦變成一個人類的想法越來越強烈，但我並不知道為什麼
Using a human-like computer would be a hassle.
用一台長的像人類的電腦感覺會非常的麻煩
You would have to make some embarrassing poses to use it.
因為當你用它時你必須做一些尷尬的動作來使用它
At last, I finished my homework and asked my cousin if technology can really turn a computer into a human.
總之最後，我終於完成了我的作業，並且問我表弟科技是否可能把一台電腦變成一個人類
My cousin was like’’ You watch too much science fiction.”
當我問完，我的表弟則是用一副”你科幻小說看太多了”的表情看著我
I was a little disappointed, but when I searched for the word, personification with the Google search engine again. I found a special website with a strange download saying click here for a computer personification program.
這讓我感到有點小失望，但當我用Google搜尋” personification”這個字時，我找到一個很特別的網站，裡面有一個下載連結寫著”點此使您的電腦擬人化”
“Don’t click it.” My cousin warned me. “Maybe it’s a virus.”
「別點。」我表弟跟我說，「這個很有可能是個病毒。」
But my hand uncontrollably moved the mouse and clicked the link. At that moment my computer glowed and slowly turned into a human.
但我卻不能控制我的手，用滑鼠點了那個連結，就在那一瞬間，我的電腦開始發亮，過不久慢慢變成一個人類
It was a boy with round red eyes like lights of my computer, obviously but with symmetrical muscles with symbols of keyboard buttons, white skin like my computer shell and long white hair like electric wires.
他是一個男孩，他有著的紅色眼睛就像我電腦的電源顯示燈一樣，身上有線條明顯又均勻的肌肉，上面則有鍵盤上的按鍵，白色的皮膚就像我電腦的外殼，長長的白頭髮就像一條條的電線一般
Was he an albino?
「他是一個白化病患嗎？」我心底這樣想著
My cousin and I were so flabbergasted that we couldn’t even speak.
同時我跟我表弟也嚇了一大跳，導致完全說不出話來。
And he just sat there watching us with pure expression in his eyes.
而他眼中透露著單純無知，只是坐在那邊看著我們
At last, I broke the silence.
最後，我打破了沉默。
“How old are you?” I asked
「你幾歲？」我問。
“I’m six.”
「我六歲。」
A six year old body builder！
一個六歲的小孩居然有那麼線條明顯又均勻的肌肉！
Well it was not the point, although I was envious of it.
儘管我非常的忌妒，但這並不是重點！
“I have heard of it before. “said my cousin “But I thought it was just a story,”
「我之前聽過有關把電腦變成人類的事情，」我表弟說「但我認為那只是一個故事。」
“In order to enable old people and low-educated people to use a computer our government started a project where the ex-president had to borrow more money from his supporters, and now he is even in a lawsuit for the money he got. That is not the point. The point is that the project succeeded. The computer will be easier to use and what’s more, the proportion of poor people caused by a lack of Internet knowledge will decrease. “
他繼續接著說「為了讓老人跟只接受過低階教育的人可以使用電腦，我們的政府實行了一個計劃，而這個計劃使得前總統必須從他的支持者那借一筆龐大的錢，而他現在甚至還因為那筆錢在接受法律的訴訟。但這並不重要，重點是這個計劃成功了！電腦將會變得更容易使用，而最重要的是，因為貧窮而造成缺乏網路知識的人也會減少。」
“Why will the lack of internet knowledge cause poverty? “I asked
「那為什麼缺乏網路知識會造成貧窮呢？」我問
“For example, some farmers and local craft makers don’t know how to commercialize their products with the Internet, so that they only have a small market, if they know how to do it, their market will spread to the whole world. What’s more they can learn extra knowledge. Being a farmer isn’t easy; it’s a kind of bio-technology, but farmers in Taiwan always use wrong ways to grow crops or fruits, like fertilizing crops too much , wrong proportion of pesticides etc”
「舉例來說，有些當地的農夫跟手工藝者因為不知道如何使用網路來銷售他們的產品，所以他們只有小的市場，但如果他們知道如何使用網路，他們的市場將會是整個世界！除此之外，他們還可以學習額外的知識。且身為農夫並不是一件簡單的事情，因為種田也是一種生物科技，但台灣的農夫總是使用錯誤的方式來種植穀物跟水果，像是給穀物施太多肥、農藥比例使用錯誤等等…」
”Enough！”I shouted
「停！別說了！」我大叫
“Are you an expert of agriculture or a computer engineer? I know the author didn’t give you much chance to talk in the previous part, but you overreacted. Do you stand in my computer’s shoes? He should be the main character, but he just said a sentence “I’m six”.”
「你到底是農業專家還是電腦專家啊？我知道作者在前面的部分並沒有給你很多機會講話，但是你的反應太過激烈了，而且你到底有沒有想過我電腦的立場啊？他明明是主要角色，卻只講了一句『我六歲』！」作者: hrrefree 時間: 2010-6-14 23:39
As soon as I finished yelling at my cousin, the door bell rang. I opened the door and found out there was a group of people in black suits standing in front of my house.
當我結束對我表弟的怒吼，門鈴突然響了。我打開門卻發現有一組穿著黑西裝的人站在我家前面。
“I’m a TST (Taiwan Secret technology) agent. “Said the agent. ” Ten billion will be paid to you for helping us finish our computer personification project.”
「我是台灣機密科技TST的探員。」探員說。「如果你幫我們完成電腦擬人化的計劃，我們將會給你十億美元。」
“You did it on purpose, didn’t you, Lavender.” said my cousin “I don’t want to get involved with that hassle. That was why I quit my job in the military.”
「Lavender，你是故意的對不對？」我表弟說。「這就是為什麼我要辭掉我在軍隊裡的工作，因為我並不想要捲入這件麻煩的事。」
“Really? But you made a lot of intelligent remarks with your eyes sparkling. “I asked
「真的嗎？但你卻眼睛閃爍的講了一堆聰明的見解。」我說。
“I did. BUT, I don’t want to do it by myself. I just want to rest and enjoy the result. “My cousin answered
「我是講了沒錯，但我並不像要自己做。我只想要好好的休息並且享受之後的結果。」我表弟回答。
“We chose this house as an experiment court at random. “Said Lavender with an evil smile
「我們隨機選擇一棟房子當作我們的實驗場所。」Lavender面帶邪惡的微笑說。
” Every expert wants this job, but the weirdo, Clarence refused it.”
「所有的專家都想要這份工作，但這個怪人Clarence卻拒絕了。」
Congratulations！My cousin’s name is finally known to the readers
恭喜！讀者們終於知道我表弟叫甚麼名子了！
“It is not simply a hassle.” Said Clarence with serious expression in his eyes
「但它並不僅僅是個麻煩。」Clarence眼中帶著嚴肅說
“The last thing I’m going to say is that this project is still on the experimental process.
Only when you bring up your computer to sixteen year old, can you get the ten billion.
If your mission failed, you’ll have to pay us ten billion.” said Lavender
「我想說的最後一件事情是，這個計劃現在仍在實驗階段中，只有當你把你的電腦養到十六歲，你才能拿到十億美元，但如果你失敗了，你就必須給我們十億美元。」Lavender說。
“You should have read the contract before clicking the link.”Lavender smiled
「你應該先看清楚合約在點那個連結。」Lavender邊微笑邊說。
“Will this kind of contract work?”I thought.
「這是一種合同工作嗎？」我想
“Do you forget that you even enter your identity card number and credit card ones?”
「難道你忘記你已經輸入了你的身分證字號跟信用卡號碼嗎？」
“Your cousin must have been scammed many times. ”Lavender smiled
「你表弟已經被騙過很多次了。」Lavender笑得更燦爛了。
“Poor Clarence.”
「可憐的Clarence啊…」
When they are gone, I made a conclusion “We’ll either be in Heaven or Hell.”
當他們走之後，我做了一個結論「我們現在不是在天堂就是在地獄。」
After I made this conclusion, I went back to try to use my computer.
我做完這個結論之後，我走回去試著用我的電腦。
When I went back, I found something terrible that it hadn’t occurred to me
當我走到電腦那邊，我發現一件從沒發生在我身上的糟糕事情。
“Little did I know, your intelligent remarks froze him” I complained
「我從來都不知道，你聰明的見解會嚇到他。」我抱怨。
“Internet, global market, pesticide proportion…”Eliot was talking nonsense
「網際網路、全球市場、農藥比例…」Eliot不斷講著一堆無意義的話。
It is the name, Eliot that I gave to him
順帶一提，Eliot是我幫它取的名子。
“I took you here in case my computer freezes, but you didn’t only freeze him, but also bring me ten billion in debt. “I complained
「我把你帶到這以免我的電腦故障，但你現在不只讓他故障了，你還讓我負了十億美元的債務！」我抱怨的說。
“I’m trying my best to fix him. Don’t bother me. “Said Clarence
「別吵我，我正在盡力的修理他。」Clarence說。
Only when I faced this situation, did I think about Murphy’s Law.
當我面對這個狀況，我才想到甚麼叫做莫非定律。
Every time I use my computer alone, it freezes. This time I took a computer engineer with me, the situation is worse.
每次當我自己用電腦時它就故障。這次我帶了一個電腦工程師，但情況反而更糟糕。
But it’s not a big deal. With my love to Eliot and Clarence’s skill at fixing computers, Eliot, Clarence and will live a happy life in subsequent ten years.
但這並沒甚麼。有我對Eliot的愛跟Clarence修電腦的高超技巧，Eliot跟Clarence將會過著往後快樂的十年生活。
“Wait！Can a computer grow up? “I asked
「等等！一台電腦有可能會長大嗎？」我問。
“I told you. It’s not merely a hassle. “Replied Clarence
「我跟你說過的，這不僅僅只是個麻煩而已。」Clarence回答。
Maybe
有可能吧。
“Did Lavender read my mind?” I asked
「那Lavender知道我在想甚麼嗎？」我又問。
“It’s needless to use ESP power to read your mind. “ Clarence sighed
「我想應該沒必要用第六感知道你在想甚麼吧…」Clarence嘆氣。
